Desideratum
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Desideratum" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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02:25 pm
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Writer's Block: Sick day
When I'd get sick, my friend would bake or buy cupcakes for me.
This was sort of a bad idea, but the "Awww, you love me <3" always more than made up for the "Ooog, my stomach."
Tags: sick day, writer's block
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10:23 am
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Writer's Block: Agree to disagree
I don't know if I have, but I'm sure I would, and I've definitely stopped relationships from becoming friendships over politics. It's a funny subject -in the US at least*, it is separate from everyday talk, not ever something you just chat over, but politics affects people very personally (this is, I think, why no one ever talks about it. Which makes sense at the same time I think it's weird). Politics in the US touches on religion, who is or is not a "real American," race, etc., things that are at the heart of who people are.
Like feminism -there's a whole crapload of feminism that is explicitly political, but feminism is also extremely personal. When I meet someone who rejects the idea that I am a thinking, feeling human being who is the equal of any other human being, even the male ones, I can't be friends with them. It's hard for me even to pretend to be nice and I know I've probably hurt some clueless dolt's feelings about it, but I don't care much.
*I've heard that in other countries politics is like the weather -bring it up with a stranger in the elevator if you want. In Israel, I hear you can bring it up whenever, and you can expect fights about it, but you can most likely still be friends after the fight.
Tags: fan, loyalty, sports, teams, writer's block
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05:17 pm
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Writer's Block: Sleep on it
Dur, of course.
Is this up here because it's almost Yom Kippur?
יום כיפור
Yeah, Hebrew font works!
Tags: anger, impulse, rage, regret, remorse, writer's block
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04:26 pm
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This is my Happy Place
Tags: feelings of happiness, happy place, media, video
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04:46 pm
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In which some OTHER English majors are childish
So as an English major, sometimes I get people telling me I read too much into things and I usually fire back with, "Well, you know what Aristotle said about that!" and often enough they don't (but not always; this is always a gamble), so I feel justified in feeling superior with my reading-too-much-into-stuff-ness. But today in class, I was paying attention long enough* to catch some talk about how conversations were sex and water was pregnancy or sex or both or something.
And it reminds me of something someone told me once in Freshman year, that sex in fiction is never actually sex. And now I'm thinking that everyone around me is just immature.
How about if a conversation means "conversation?" Hmm? Or, maybe, if "we had sex" meant "we had sex?" This just feels . . . somewhat like a double-bind, like there's no room in this construction (of how to read) for actually talking about sex. There's no way to discuss the act itself, nor its physical, social, emotional, etc. consequences or what factors went into anybody having the sex in the first place. There's just titillation if the sex is something you need to read into a text to find, or there's "it's not really sex."
The whole discussion of the sex that was so obviously in the poem (unless you're me and thought that a conversation was a conversation) really just amounted to, "Tee hee, SEX!" which is neither interesting nor was it the kind of treatment that I think the subject deserves.
And when there is explicitly sex? It's something abstract. Loneliness, a Utopian archetype, I don't know. But then I started thinking, maybe this attitude is why people can have sex and be flabbergasted that someone got pregnant because of it (yes, there are people like this. Yes, they make me feel stabby, too), or how people can be opposed to abortions and be totally ignorant about why anyone would need and/or want one. Please tell me if I'm drawing false parallels here (I suspect I am) but I see this attitude everywhere -sex is brought up for the "Tee hee!" titillation factor, but any serious discussion of it never gets off the ground.
I also suspect that viewing explicit (though that doesn't necessarily mean graphic) sex in writing as some abstract theme like loneliness is in fact talking about the emotional and social dimensions of the subject, but if that's the case, how about some of the practical aspects? Why is there never any contraception in writing, for example? Or have I just been reading the wrong books and poems?
*Generally, I'm always awake in class. But the poems we were discussing dealt with religion and I really, really hate class discussions about religion. It's all, "Religion is sexist and causes wars! It is icky and I do not like it, (Sam I Am)!" and enough tossing around of the word "Judeo-Christian" and contrasting of "the mean Old Testament God" with "the loving New Testament God" that I just felt superbly stabby before an hour was up (on the first day we were discussing this author). So, 1. Don't use those terms around me if you want me to keep my good opinion of you, and 2. If I hear "Judeo-Christian" once more before the week is up, I will act on my stabby urges. (Not on a person. Maybe a desk. And no one wants a maimed desk. I won't hold myself responsible for it, either; you have been warned.)
Current Location: Closer to the peacocks than last year
Current Mood:  cold
Current Music: cooling apparatus
Tags: college, feelin' stabby, reading, religion, sex
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12:19 pm
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I'm Back.
Still here, though still also busy.
More importantly: There is a CUPCAKE and coffee shop like two blocks from me.
Why was I never told?
And why is it Labor Day? I can't even go in it now!
Current Mood: huuuungry -_-
Tags: food stuffs
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02:40 pm
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Writer's Block: Pick and Stick
My first instinct was to yell "MEXICAN!" but then I said, "And Chinese! . . . And then Mediterranean."
Here in DC, they have these hot dog shacks all over the place. I first saw them and, as soon as I got over the novelty of seeing something advertised as kosher, went, "Eww. Who eats hot dogs?"*
Then I went, "So where do they put the taco wagons?"
And you know what? I have been totally unable to find any taco wagons. I haven't had my daily quesadillas for months. I haven't had my delicious straight-from-the-taco-wagon, it's-almost-like-actual-hunting-having-to-hunt-down-the-taco-wagon veggie burritos. It makes me stab my desk in frustration. I'm getting hungry just typing this out.
(The closest I've gotten to Mexican food is this Peruvian restaurant nearby, but I don't know about Peru at all, so I haven't gone in.)
*Who, indeed? I haven't had hot dogs for years and years and even I can tell they'd just be horrific.
Current Location: DC
Current Mood: Finally my icon is apropos
Tags: dc, food stuffs, writer's block
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07:06 pm
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The July 2009 Kdrama Post
Sorry this is bare-bones and I haven't got any profound "This is what the capitol of the United States is like" posts, but this is sort of important to me right now.
So for a few months earlier this year I was on-the-edge-of-my-seat waiting for Triple to come out, because 1. it is Kdrama, 2. it has ice skating (and I was in the middle of writing an ice skating story by total coincidence), and 3. it has Yoon Kye Sang in it. I like him a lot; he's pretty high on my To Do List. But the minute Triple actually came out, I completely lost interest. Like I read one episode recap at dramabeans and then just went, " . . . Meh."
So, in a sort of panicky "My god, have I lost all interest in things that I once loved? Does that mean I have depression and need to sit around the house with my head in my hands and my world turned blue?" feeling, I picked up The Man Who Can't Get Married, which, while having solved that problem (reassured me I still love the Kdrama and am therefore healthy) meh, I'm not freaking out about anything. (I've also been reading Samsooki et al.'s recaps of City Hall avidly. I want to be Samsooki's friend now, but last time I mentioned him, I went "Your argument is poopy!" and he went "You misrepresented my argument!" and I responded with something that came with emoticons and he never responded. Our friendship is doomed, I guess.)
Till THIS:
It is apparently a historical comedy with a Frenchman playing an Englishman who crash-lands on Jeju Island where women are strong-willed and wear shorts and dive for things and there's a love triangle somewhere (It is called Tamna the Island). I CAN'T FRICKIN' WAIT. And I hope my sitting on the edge of my seat lasts until I can actually watch it.
Current Location: DC
Current Mood:  excited
Current Music: "Blues in Dallas," The Mountain Goats
Tags: kdrama
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08:07 pm
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Sobbing My Failings Over the Internet
I want my boss to think I am interested in the work before me and have an active, engaged mind (and I believe I qualify for both of those things) but every time I'm around him and not asking specific questions about assigned work, I have absolutely nothing to say. Or my attempts to ask questions to get things rolling are answered too quickly. (So I either sound boring, bored, and/or uninterested.)
:( I'm just not impressive enough.
And I have a paper with topics to write about on here, but it's gone and I can't find time to write anyway.
Also, there are fireflies in DC (That and a ridiculous amount of escalators). They're pretty neato, except the concept of bugs that fly vertically and make their butts go bright yellow is a weird one.
Current Location: DC
Tags: animals, dc, lj, update, work
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04:06 pm
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Before I Work On Any Substantive Post-
I have failed to save the desired amount this time. :( But I promise to save double that in the next payday. :<
(That was supposed to be a smiley so determined he almost looked constipated. I don't think it works. Just looks like an alien to me. Or Davy Jones from the Pirates of the Caribbean movie.)
I can put my fingers down to the second knuckle bones on the uttanasana (the this thing:
 )
I feel I need to let you know that my boss is fascinating me right now. I'm not even sure the extent of my interest or even why he's so interesting, but that is one intriguing person.
Finally, who linked me? I really want to know.
I can't google myself until I become a published author (I have a policy. I call it my "No-googling-self-until-published policy").
I'll write more about Kdrama if you tell me (seriously not a hardship whatsoever)!
Bah.
Current Location: DC
Current Mood: Tummy Hurts
Current Music: Fan is on.
Tags: body, goals, internet, kdrama, media, other people, update, yoga
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04:29 pm
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I Have Goals
1. Save money from every paycheck.
2. Do this:
(Yep, with the palms of hands flat on the floor.)
3. Write every day.
Number 4 that I just realized should be on my list:
Write in lj a little more often.
Current Location: DC
Current Music: Only that which is in my head
Tags: update
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03:54 pm
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Warn Me Before Your Surprise Visits.
Came home today to find that we had been surprise safety inspected while we were both at work. I found the paper cheerily telling us we passed the inspection and had no hidden waffle makers where they weren't supposed to be.
I also found the underwear and nightgown I'd strewn across the bed this morning, right in front of the door.
Current Location: DC
Tags: clothes, etiquette, safety
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12:12 pm
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Am No Longer Jet-Lagged
There are so many escalators here. I do expect most public places to have some, but I never expect them in the absence of real stairs. Am slightly miffed.
I was going to write a story here about movies and Brad Pitt (my chances of being in a movie with him remain as high as ever. Probably) but I can't make it as interesting as it could be.
Have been listening to Brody's (and Shemspeed's? I think?) "Bar Yochai" every chance I get. Like it narrates my entire life right now. And I don't really mind that. (Actually, I love it.)
Other than that . . . not much. My calves hurt and I world-build too much but can't stop. And I really, really wish there were some consensus on how to spell that.
Worldbuild? World build? World-build? Conworlding? Dorking around? It makes internet searches difficult.
I've met people who live near the square where the first slave auction was held.
. . . And I can see downsides to living in an area all rich with history. I don't need to say how fucking creepy that must be.
Current Location: DC
Current Music: Ani DiFranco, for a change. (am weaning self away from Bar Yochai)
Tags: body, creeepy, exercise, history, world-building, writing
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06:43 pm
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James Bond, Etiquette Style
My relative taught me about manners in DC. He said, if you meet someone socially and ask them what they do, and if they say simply, "I work for the government," you are not supposed to pry for more specifics. Vague is all you get, because that person might be unable to tell you since s/he's in the CIA or something and prying makes them uncomfortable.
And I asked him, horrified, "But what if you're dating a spy and he's going to kill you?"
Because it hadn't yet occurred to me that James Bond would lie. And then kill you.
Current Location: DC
Current Mood: shoulder hurts
Tags: culture, dc
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05:41 pm
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Chapped Lips and Crooked Teeth
I am in Washington, DC. Since I can't do a post on cannibalism like this, I'll just show you all to this site: http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/criminal_mind/psychology/cannibalism/ It's one of our sources and covers criminal, ritual, sexual, aggressive, and survival cannibalism. Plus some more things, and it's a very quick read.
Anyway, school ended two weeks ago, and then I went back home. It was around 80 at college, and around 55-60 at home. That was a very uncomfortable transition. Now I've gone to DC, where it is 80+ again, but now with added humidity. At first, I was like, "Hey, I remember humidity from vacation! I can handle that."
NO. OMG. Humidity. I will say no more of this. Just: "Good lord!"
( So much happened that I can hint at )
Current Location: DC
Current Music: "Push It," Stereo Total
Tags: animals, body, books, cannibalism, children, cities, people, weather, writing
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02:24 pm
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Also I'm drinking Dr. Pepper again.
Doing a report on cannibalism, Sweeney Todd, and psychology.
Also waiting for an e-mail from my teacher about our paper topics. Due I think on Tuesday? I don't like this waiting.
I got a myspace e-mail and somebody wants to be my friend. (I gave in to my sister's demands that I get one about two years ago and I haven't done anything with it. My picture is a moon and I think I called myself a swinger.) I think this is the e-pen pal guy I was friends with who called me stupid (always guaranteed to hurt. At least use 'dumbass' or something) after I wouldn't let him insult my teacher for longer than the three minutes he was using. Then I had to block him and cry.
That was why I got a livejournal! Because I was lonely, it was my first year at college, and my randomly assigned dorm-mates scared me.
I don't know. Maybe I should befriend him back. Maybe he doesn't realize it's me: a full moon picture is a little ambiguous.
Anywho, it's raining and I went for a very short walk (to the bookstore and back and I don't have enough money for books so I just squatted next to the shelves and sniffed as I flipped through them).
I'm starting to write again! Yay! XD I feel like I'm a decent person again.
Started watching Psych. Not convinced I'll finish even season one. It hasn't weaseled its way into my heart or anything and finding decent quality videos is proving very difficult.
And I finally finished Georgette Heyer's False Colours. It took me about a semester. I can't stand all the ejaculating and the belaboring of the points I've already witnessed and I don't really buy that the two brothers were in love with the women they said (belabored, rather) they were in love with -they are clearly in love with their mother.
Current Location: where else would I be? Dorm room
Current Mood:  geeky
Current Music: birds and rain
Tags: books, friends, tv, update, writer's block, writing
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12:10 pm
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Writer's Block: Same Name
Never, not once in my life, have I met someone with the same name as me. Not a relative, not a stranger. I have heard tales of people who have the same first name as me, and that weirds me out and makes me jealous or envious or some other emotion I don't process well. (Suffice to say: I hate it. Soo glad I'm unique, even if people I've known for years and years still can't pronounce my name, and dude, that is one simple, easy-to-pronounce name.)
Tags: writer's block
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03:20 pm
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I have discovered something I think I knew already
Having two sodas the day before my period started was one of the worst ideas I've had in a long time. I regressed to the kind of pain I experienced in junior and early high school -I couldn't sit still and I couldn't move very fast (but in the middle of shuffling from one room to the next, I twisted my ankle a bit. I was going like .003 mph and I twisted my ankle in the middle of the living room. That is slightly pathetic.), I could barely get down any oatmeal, and there was about an hour where I seriously thought I was going to throw up, and not even make it to the bathroom to do so.
In high school, though, there was a time when I was going to get a six-pack. I did cross-country running during fall season, running like 9 miles out in the desert every school day, and then I'd come home to do fifty (yes. Fifty.) abs exercises before bed. I am not kidding. I was amazing back then.
(And I started eating a bit healthier. Not a whole bunch, but a bit.)
And so I noticed -period pain was significantly lessened. I was amazed. I had gone from the first paragraph, going to the nurse's office several times a year to moan and eat stale crackers and try to sleep, to being able to take one pill and just go about my normal day. Best thing ever.
I eventually gave up my dreams of getting a six-pack, though. (But if I lean back, you can see the outline of my muscles. It's not quite a six-pack, but still pretty cool.) I kept being told, repeatedly, from many different sources, that I was girl and it just wasn't going to happen. I gave up on my dream. :'(
And having regressed two days ago, I drew these lines:
Female body --> needs exercise simply to avoid extreme pain --> no six-pack.
Male body --> does not need exercise to avoid extreme pain --> six-pack easy.
Are there any general, obvious, well-known exceptions to this? I'm thinking healthy cis bodies here and I can't find any. I'm sort of annoyed, as a female six-pack-wanter, but then I can see major downsides to the male side.
Also -unrelated- on Sunday I was feeling a bit better and cleaned shit. Kitchen counters, floors (sweeping and mopping), walls, door handles and light switches, all the dishes by hand (eww and also epic), toilet, slight organizing. And then I made a salad. And all while watching a House marathon. You can tell me how cool I am, for not going outside at all.
Current Music: "Circles," Soul Coughing
Tags: body
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10:01 pm
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Why, yes, it has been several months now.
I am aware that Race Fail '09 exists/existed. I do not know the full extent of it (because I suspect that is impossible) and I am not sure it is over. ( Read more... )
Current Mood:  morose
Tags: ethnicity, gender, internet, judaism, justice, race, sex, writing
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02:48 pm
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This Weekend
I climbed up this thing.
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